Born To Die
by madaboutcarla
Summary: Carla can't go on.


_It was the 29th of January 2012. And it was the day Carla Connor was going to end her life. She had tried once before, but she hadn't succeeded. Back then, she had been glad, glad her knight in smoke infused leather had come to save her. This time, she'd made sure he didn't. _

_Tomorrow was the trial. She knew what the answer would be. And she couldn't fathom the idea of having to hear it. She wouldn't survive it. She loved Peter, it felt more right than each breathe she took. But since Frank… if he wasn't found guilty, she wouldn't be able to carry on. Peter wouldn't be able to help her. Their relationship wouldn't survive. And then she would loose him. And she couldn't loose him. She couldn't._

_This way it was better. For everyone. He would never have to leave Leanne this way. She could slip away, discretely. _

**_Feet don't fail me now_**

**_Take me to the finish line_**

_As she walked through the cold Manchester Streets, alone, she prayed her body would permit her to do what she planned. She felt as though her feet could buckle beneath her at any moment. She just hoped they wouldn't give out._

**_All my heart, it breaks every step that I take_**

_Each step she takes, she knows she is getting closer to the end. Closer to saying goodbye to Peter forever. Closer to leaving the most intense love she had felt in years._

**_But I'm hoping that the gates,_**

_They'll tell me that you're mine_

_She hoped, that when she got there, wherever it was, she wasn't sure she believed in it, that she'd be told he was hers. Then she could die peacefully. At ease. Peter was never hers, couldn't be. But Liam.. _

**_Walking through the city streets_**

**_Is it by mistake or design?_**

_The cold hair whips her hair. She tries to take in her surroundings, the feelings, but she can't. She just wants to get this over and done with._

**_I feel so alone on a Friday night_**

**_Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you're mine_**

**_It's like I told you honey_**

_She wishes she could go, quietly in Peter's warm arms. Safe and loved. He had no idea. No idea that the kiss he had planted gently on her lips as they parted, after their night at the hotel, would be their last. The last time his lips would ever settle against her skin. The last time he would ever look into her eyes. The last time he would ever see her smile. It just couldn't be. She had to go it alone._

**_Don't make me sad, don't make me cry_**

**_Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough_**

_She hoped Peter would understand. She wanted him to grieve for her, because it would show how much he loved her, yet she didn't want him to be stuck in a cycle of tears and sadness. She wanted him to move on. To be happy. Sometimes, love just couldn't get you through it. _

**_I don't know why_**

_She didn't know why she had become so weak. Why Frank had won. The old Carla would never have let him bring her down so low that she resorted to taking her own life._

**_Keep making me laugh,_**

**_Let's go get high_**

**_The road is long, we carry on_**

**_Try to have fun in the meantime_**

_Peter had taken her mind off Frank in the past weeks. He'd make her laugh, scream, smile more than she ever had before. They'd seen new sides of each other, loved each other. They'd had fun, he'd made her last few months bearable. _

**_Come and take a walk on the wild side_**

_They'd taken a risk having an affair. It had been dangerous ground. But she didn't regret it. She'd felt loved._

**_Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain_**

_You like your girls insane_

_His kisses were the most intense, true, real she had ever had. He'd love her, despite the fact she was a wreck, a sad, lonely wreck._

**_Choose your last words_**

**_This is the last time_**

**_Cause you and I, we were born to die_**

_He had no idea. His last words 'I love you' still hung in her mind. SHe held on to them, close to her heart. He'd said them, thinking he would see her the following day. He wouldn't. He'd never see her again. She was born to die. Her time had come._

**_Lost but now I am found_**

_I can see but once I was blind_

_She decided what to do. She'd found her way. Alive, she was lost. Dead, she was found. Alive she was blind. Dead, she could see. _

**_I was so confused as a little child_**

_She was scared, lonely, small, fragile. Once she was dead, she was dead. She wouldn't be scared any longer._

**_Tried to take what I could get_**

**_Scared that I couldn't find_**

**_All the answers, honey_**

_The time drew closer. She had so many questions that needed answering. But she wouldn't get the answers now. There wasn't time._

**_Don't make me sad, don't make me cry_**

**_Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough_**

**_I don't know why_**

**_Keep making me laugh,_**

**_Let's go get high_**

_Good night Peter. I love you. Just remember the times we had. Though fleeting, they were the most amazing moments of my life. I'll cherish them forever, and take them to my grave._

**_The road is long, we carry on_**

**_Try to have fun in the meantime_**

_I wish it could go on forever. Never stop. But it can't. Remember I love you. More than life itself._

**_Come and take a walk on the wild side_**

**_Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain_**

**_You like your girls insane_**

**_Choose your last words,_**

**_This is the last time_**

**_Cause you and I_**

**_We were born to die_**

**_We were born to die_**

**_We were born to die_**

_Each kiss you gave me, healed me slightly. It just wasn't enough. And it is't your fault. Don't blame yourself. I have to go. I have to. I can't go on. He's ruined me. I'm not alive anymore. I'm a walking disaster._

**_Come and take a walk on the wild side_**

**_Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain_**

**_You like your girls insane_**

_Leanne is better for you. Stable. She'll look after you. She won't make you go crazy. I'm insane. We were insane. But beautiful._

**_Don't make me sad, don't make me cry_**

**_Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough_**

**_I don't know why_**

**_Keep making me laugh,_**

**_Let's go get high_**

**_The road is long, we carry on_**

**_Try to have fun in the meantime_**

**_Come and take a walk on the wild side_**

**_Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain_**

**_You like your girls insane_**

**_Choose your last words_**

**_This is the last time_**

**_Cause You and I_**

**_We were born to die_**

**_We were born to die_**

_She arrived at her flat. It was time. She smiled sadly when she saw the half empty bottle of wine on the counter. She drained the contense down the sink. _

_She picked up the knife she had left on the counter. Sleeping pills had been too painless. She needed to feel the pain. She needed to know what was happening. She was scared, yet she was confident. She'd planned it for a while, so was prepared. She sits on her couch, one hand holding the necklace Peter had given her._

_'Thank you Peter, thank you so much' Carla said as she closed her eyes and drives the knife into her side. She bites down on her lip, drawing blood as she feels the pain coursing through her side. She lets out a shrill cry as she see's a red river. It's done now. She can't go back. She hopes it will be quick. She shivers as the blood drains from her body. Her eyes go hazy, her vision blurred. The room spins, the knife clattering to the floor._

_Black._


End file.
